Thursday, April 16, 2009

ITS GETTIN HOT IN HER!!!

One thing I really hated before I came to the Peace Corps was when I found a blog that I liked, they only updated their blogs once or twice a month and I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those people, but alas, I AM! Whatevs, heres the going ons down here. :::Consults pre-made list::: Ahh yes.....

One of my friends who lives in Chinandega, thought it would be a nice gesture to take out to lunch, her landlord's granddaughter and her boyfriend. This would seem a great way to make new friends in a country where everyone thinks you're a tourist, and also living in a big city. So once she brought them out to eat, the boyfriend who owns a moto taxi (rickshaw) brought her to her school so she could begin teaching her classes. She thought it was very nice of him to bring her all the way to school, and really thought she had made some new friends....BUUUUUUTTTT NO! Once he dropped her off at school, he returned to her house and robbed her blind! He stole her apple laptop, her digital camera, her cell phone, and some American dollars. When she got home, she returned to all of her nice things missing, so of course she called the Peace Corp security coordinator (who is AWESOME), and the local police. When the local police got there, they began investigating how the person(s) got in the house. They noticed a shoe print in the toilet, and were able to match the shoe print to the landlord's granddaughter, and when she was taken into custody.....she sang like a song bird......telling the police that the boyfriend had taken all the things to different houses, so they were not all in the same place. When they went looking for the things, a little boy approached the police and asked them if they were looking for the stolen things, and by some cosmic mishap, or he had just gotten home from church; he told the truth and led the police to the stolen merchandise. So the granddaughter and the boyfriend were arrested and placed in jail. Once would think that justice was served......NAY....that was only the beginning. After a few days, she was told that the granddaughter had stolen things from her grandmother in the past and sold them for a lot of money. Not only this, it had been suggested by many people that my friend drop the charges, and let them get out of jail. Now anyone with any sense would say that that is ludicrous, and that how are people supposed to take responsibility for their actions. But it makes sense to drop the charges down here, because everyone knew what happened, and once they actually DID get out of jail, you would have a target on your back and revenge being sought. Later on, my friend decided that she was going to move out and received a phone call from the culprit's family in the United States telling her that if she dropped the charges, she could live there for 2 months rent free while she finds a new place. There are other details to the story that were asked not to be blogged about, but they are awesome (knife and gasoline fights, matrix style battles) the list goes on.
So as my blog title says, IT IS GETTING SO VERY HOT HERE...aHHHHHHHHH. Some days are just absolutely crazy hot, I just sit in my underwear ((and this awesome sleeveless (yes sleeveless) shirt that I bought for 50 cents)) and sweat, and sweat some more and right when I realize that I stopped sweating, I start sweating again just from moving my head to noticed I had stopped sweating..still following me? Then once 9 AM comes around, it gets even hotter. I remember, in Wisconsin, complaining about 70 degree weather, which now makes me laugh, which makes me sweat. I think I started sweating the other day just by THINKING how hot it is. So, basically I've been rendered useless by this ball of fire in the sky that we depend on to survive day in and day out. Here's me: ROCK---> ME <---Hot place.

Next point. There is a child screaming bloody murder and crying nextdoor, and I think I am going to do what my mother used to do to us. NO! I won't beat them with a sock full of oranges and tell them, “I'll give you something to cry about”, I'll simply ignore it. OK since writing this, he has cried so much, he started choking and gaging. Get over it kid. MOVING ALONG!

I did a Biggest Loser video the other day with Liz and it was hell. I was out of breath putting the DVD in the player and pressing play, I needed some fresh air. I lit a smoke.
The next morning, I felt like I had suffered through the Spanish Inquisition, thank god it was Sunday. Day of rest.......and all was good.

This last week, they celebrated Semana Santa (Holy Week) here in Nicaragua, and it was a great time to reflect a new year, and new beginnings, and having a thousand 6 year old girls scream, “¡¡Cristo Viene, Cristo Viene!!” (Christ is coming, Christ is coming!!!) at 2 o'clock in the morning. I mean come on, really? How else would one celebrate the Easter holiday? Now me? I spent it in a much better fashion. I watched 9/11 conspiracy documentaries, and argued them with (who I think might be) the only conservative Peace Corps volunteer I know. We also argued over whether or not we should abolish the Federal Reserve. We agreed on one of them, I'll let you guess which one. Did you know that we have to work for FOUR months out of the year, just to pay our income taxes? We work for four months for free, just to pay back the Federal Reserve (Huge private banks) for only the interest of the money they have generously “provided” us. Makes one think. (www.zeitgeist.com)

Recently, I was matched with a teacher in the United states through a correspondence match program. It's exciting, he teaches 4th grade in Albert Lee, Minnesota and I received an email with many many letters from the students asking questions ranging from my favorite color to “How long does it take to get to Nicaragua? A day? A month?” It's fun, but very taxing.

So I have been trying to get Internet for my house, and things are not going very well. Every time I go, they tell me that they don't have the equipment, and to come back in a few days. So I go back, and I get the same thing. So I asked the woman if I could have the phone number for the main office in Managua, as I was going to call and complain because honesty how can you advertise promotions on Internet and NEVER have the equipment when Masaya is only 40 minutes by bus or 25 minutes by private car from Managua. She told me that they don't have a phone number, so I asked for the phone number for HER store so I could call and ask if they have the equipment so I didn't wait time walking to the store. She informed me that THEY don't have a phone number to call with questions either. Another thing that pisses me off, is that in the states, cell phone store workers are trained to know how to use the cell phones, so they can show off their selling points. Here, they are not. They do not have ANY knowledge on ANY of the phones that they sell. If you ask how to do something on the phone, or how an accessory works, but they tell you to buy the phone and read the instruction manual. They need to work on that. So, I am still waiting and sweating with no Internet, but at least my site HAS Internet cafes, some places are small and don't have Internet access.

Chunche (my cat) has been escaping from my house recently, and the first time she escaped, she was in a space between the wall and the ceiling crying so I thought I would help her. I stood on my lavandero (thing where I wash clothes and dishes) and I tried to get a little closer so I stood on what I thought was the edge of the lavandero, but no, it was where my faucet came out of the wall. Needless to say, the plastic tube snapped, I fell and water started spraying all over the place. NOT FUN! I found the water source and closed the valve and went out in search of my landlord to tell him I needed some help. As it was Semana Santa, he and his family had left, and there was no one to be found to help me with my situation. My neighbor came over, and with a smile and fire-breathing alcohol breath, offered his help. He brought over this major super glue that gave me a headache just catching whiffs of it, and started applying it to the broken tube. While the tube was drying, we sat and B.S'ed for a while (and if you know me, you know how much I like to B.S with people I don't really know :( ) So after offering me a last whiff of the glue, and me declining, Juan takes a big ole whiff, shakes a little and asks me about my family, friends, and mi tierra (my “land”). After waiting a while, Juan decided it was time to check if there were leaks to apply more glue. When I turned the valve on (this is soooo funny) all I heard was him screaming “APAGALA, APAGALA” (TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF), but it sounded like he was drowning when he said it. I hurried back into the house to find him SOAKING WET with water dripping out of his mouth. It was a great bonding experience, so to bond more I took a whiff of glue. Just kidding. After realizing that that was not going to work, he offered me another whiff of the glue, and left when I once again declined. So I bathed out of a bucket for a couple of days. I told my landlord about the accident, and he said he would send someone the next morning. That night I had a bad experience sleeping, as Chunche was sad she couldn't leave the house so she was crying. I woke up the next morning with LOUD bangs in the door. When I opened the door up, there was some old mad saying he came to fix my faucet, and that he would come back at 8AM. I thanked him, and looked at my cell to find the time. IT WAS 5 AM!!!!! HE CAME OVER AT 5 AM TO TELL ME HE WOULD BE BACK AT 8?!?1? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. So I grab the cat and a blanket and fall asleep in the hammock. I am awoken with another knock on the door, and it was my landlord. I crawled out of the hammock and opened the door, and he tells me, “Vaya, parace muerto.” (Wow, you look dead.) He then tells me I sleep to late, and he gets up ever morning at 4:30 AM and I should get up earlier. After he leaves, I look at my cell, and it's 7AM!! Maniacally and insanely laughing, I fall back asleep in the hammock. Once again I wake up to pounds on the door, I open the door up and the old man says, “Todavia está dormido, Pues” (Still sleeping, huh?). Instead of trying to explain to him that I TRIED TO SLEEP BUT THEY KEPT COMING OVER WAKING ME UP, I told him I was sick. He then asked if it was el gripe (the flu). ANY time Nicaraguans sneeze, cough, or are too tired, they blame it on the flu, and go to a pulperia and have some random business owner give them an injection of anti-flu vitamins in their asses. So here I am in the same position again, if I say no, it's not the flu, and try to explain, it will take forever and he will challenge me, and tell me about one of his aunts' sisters' brother of a friend who had the same symptoms, and it was the flu, and how I should go get an injection of vitamins at this one pulperia that uses sharp needles so it doesn't hurt as much, which is located at : From where the old lady who survived the 1970 earthquake by hiding in her car used to live until she died, 5 blocks north and 3 blocks west. I gave in.........said it was the flu. So now after recovering from “the flu”, Chunche keeps running away only coming back when she needs water or food, which makes me sweat.

With the recent change in NBC staffing, Conan was taking over for Jay (thank god) and who else but.....wait for it.....wait for it.....JIMMY FALLON was taking over for Conan's spot. With my media prayers answered, I couldn't wait for the changes, which “happened” like 4 weeks ago. For the 1,342,983rd time in my life I have been disappointed. Jays still on, and Jimmy Fallon sucks...bad. I thought because he was so funny on SNL, he was going to be great with his own talk show. WRONG! People who know me know that when I watch TV (ex: American Idol) and someone sings really bad, I tend to hide my face because I am so embarrassed for that person. Many times I find myself doing the same thing during Jimmy's show. I think that the writers for the show should either be shot execution style (I in no way mean this, it is a figure of speech. I have no intentions on having the writers killed from here in Nicaragua) or Don't stop them from smoking their “herbal influence”... I don't know but it's bad. From this poor quality show, I have found a better way to spend my time which gives me more pleasure.....stabbing screwdrivers into my eyes. The countdown clock is ticking until your show gets canceled, Jimmy. STEP IT UP!! SNL is really sucking bad as well. Enough said.

I am thinking of starting a FLIKR web page with all of my photos for you guys to see when I get Internet (why does spell check always want to capitalize Internet??) Much easier then adding a lot of them at an Internet cafe. So thats a work in progress.

Had an uneventful Easter, we tried to make our own version of green bean casserole (which I love by the way) and it didn't turn out how I remember it, but it was good. Wish I was at my grandma's house eating ham, and green bean casserole, and all the other great food. But I talked to my mom for a while and she too had an uneventful Easter, so I didn't feel too bad! (Hi mom!)

Didn't have school for Semana Santa, which was great but school started again on Monday. Even though I KNEW no one was coming to school, I still went, and then promptly turn around on my heels and walked right back home. Then tonight (Tuesday) I sent a text message to my counterpart asking if there was class or not today (to which she never responded). So I went to school and asked her if she received my message and she said she did, but “Fijate que” (which 99 times out of 100 a lie is about to follow that) I didn't have any money on my phone, but she already told me she pays monthly on what she uses, but she just didn't want to spend the money. I told all my counterparts that I will pay for their phone calls if they call me and tell me there is no class.

The cat just came home, but I'm sure she'll leave me when I'm sleeping....whats new.

Killed another bat. Sorry P.E.T.A.

Jimmy Fallon is on, it's time for me to grab the screwdrivers. Check ya'll later!

Diane´s BIG Mangoes

Patties of sweet corn cooked between banana leaves.

Diane searching for cheap clothes, in a VERY Nica mannar...thorw it all in piles and let the customers sort it out.

My neighbor who offered the glue sniffing party.

Liz and I integrating into the community by watching a local parade for Good Friday.

After integrating for over an hour, we were approached by a group of men carrying a bloody christ corpse on their shoulders.

A Fun picture I took


Liz and I on the bus!

8 comments:

El Nica said...

John, big fan of you guy's blog here in West Des Moines, Iowa. I ran into Elizabeth blog looking for pictures of Chinandega while doing nothing at work. I hope both of the volunteers from Chinandega are ok after reading your last blog. John I will be visiting Chinandega/Leon in December and another Chele might join me here from work. We hope we hung with you guys? Como estan las mujeres en Masaya? John take care & look forward to your next blog.

Mom said...

John- See, all of us from the midwest love your blogs. Me, I read them because I have no life and you are my son. I'm glad that I'm not there for this hot weather, Jan. was the perfect time. I hope everything goes ok for Elizabeth in Chinandega after her robbery. Don't they cut off the arms of thieves there?? Just kidding, we only do that in Wisconsin.

You must be quite a pro at killing bats by now. Is Chunche (sp) getting the mice and roaches for you most the time? If you get too infested you could invite Andrew Zimmern to Nicaland for a feast.Thanks for including the photos again, it makes the blogs more enjoyable.Keep up the good work and let us know more about how school is going and take some pictures of the kids. I hope you got the pictures I sent so you could give them to your neighbors.

Have a couple tonas for me and I will wait to read about your latest adventures or mishaps. Wonderful blog. Love Mom

Anonymous said...

john,
i am a rpcv- paraguay, and am headed to nicagua sometime this summer. any suggestions for best places to visit?
thanks,
shon
shon_morris@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

Hey John we are all reading your blog at fun filled UHG. think cold WI winters. See you when you come back to visit.

Maxell145 said...

nice glad to hear people like reading about my boring life...awesome. i wrote another blog but only put it on facebook because it was really negative, and i would be taken hostage by some nicaraguan rebel group, or kicked out. My USB memory went on the fritz so i can only upload blog when I have wireless. hope fully anothe one soon . Thanks for readin guys!!

Maxell145 said...

if you have questions or anything about coming, you can email me at cunninjj@gmail.com

Nicole O said...

Hello Johnny Boy! OMG you look sooooo good! I miss your fun ways here. Work is something else. We have a huge audit coming up in August. It is fun! NOT!!!!! Sounds like you are having a good time over there. Come on now...tell us the truth...you know you tried the glue! LOL Wish I was there in the warm weather...no matter how much I would sweat. HA! It is cold and rainy today and June is almost here. When can I get a tan so I dont look sooooo pasty??? Keep up with your blogs! Feels good to hear about your adventures. I forgot all about the blogs until Victoria told me. So now I am an advid reader! Take care and hope to hear from you soon!!!!!

Anonymous said...

You are so funny,I can not stop laughing when you said !!! Fijate!!!! I Am from Nicaragua and know that is so true,but a never imagine anybody explaining what Fijate means,another thing that make laugh is the way you said the address of the pulperia, that is very well describe.Thanks for helping my people,This is Yovani from Hampton NJ